Last night was a bad night. This morning was a bad morning. Can't really go into detail right now but lots of flashbacks and other craziness goin on in my head making it nearly impossible to function. I made the decision that I need more than 1 hr/week to deal with this stuff. I tend to feel even more lonely after t, plus it takes me a half hour or so to feel comfortable and able to say much. So yeah it's just not helping. I need something more. I talked to my t on the phone today and told him I'd like to do the IOP. That means I need to stop drinking, but I'm willing to in order to get the help I need. Not to mention my major drinking binge this week showed that it's more essential than I realized. So I made the decision today to make a committment towards sobriety. Good idea I guess, but holy hell does it hurt!
I'm having horrible withdrawals mixed with crazy panic and flashbacks and everything else. I have no way to drown it out, and don't have the presence of mind to be able to ground myself, so i'm just stuck with it. All my thoughts are flying so fast I can't think straight or think through any of them. My whole body hurts and i'm shaking and it's just all the awful stuff all at once. I know just one drink could fix this and could dull it enough to process. Just one drink. What the hell was I thinking? :(
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