Here I am at my weakest, and people keep telling me i'm strong.
I feel fragile and broken, and I keep hearing that I'm doing great (considering what i've been through...).
I'm feeling at my lowest and I've had 3 random strangers tell me how beautiful I am. One was my friend's uncle who told my friend after meeting me only briefly (he speaks only spanish, I don't speak any spanish) that I seemed like a truly beautiful person inside and out.
It's like the world is looking at a different version of me.
I feel horrible and gross and vile and whatever else because I admitted out loud what had happened to me. I feel like the disgusting child who "made" her parents do horrible things.
I feel like others are looking at a very different person.
I wish I could see that person.
We look at you, your heart and your smile. I think we are all our own worst critic. We judge ourselves and expect more of ourselves than anyone else around us. We often forget what we are capable of and in the same thought are trying to take responsibility and control of things that we are not able to. I know I have done all of those things to myself and sometimes I am still learning to love and value myself. It is a process, a day by day thing.
ReplyDeleteI hope that one day you will be able to see the wonderful person that everyone else can see now. I have said before, those events that happened to you were not your fault and the adults that made those choices are the ones that should feel disgusting.
You are a wonderful person with so much to offer!
We have had very similar lives. What would you say to someone who has been through what we've been through...incest, alcoholic, suicidal, insecurity, etc.? Would you say that I'm vile? Would you tell me I'm worthless? Whatever you would tell ME, look in the mirror and tell yourself. Why do others tell you how beautiful you are inside and out? Bc they see your heart.
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