We

We is quickly becoming my absolute favorite word in the english language. It brings about more comfort than anything else I know.

A while back I was talking to a friend of mine. I was telling her that I was tired of the pain and really wanted to fight it but had no idea how. She was telling me to let my body get rest so I could be stronger to fight, rather than forcing it before I was ready. She said, "if you rest your vision will be more clear and we can fight more effectively."

"We?" I asked.

She replied with what has become my absolute favorite sentence in the world. She said,

"I'm fighting with you. You aren't alone anymore."

That sentence meant so so so much to me and still does. I teared up when I read it (online chat :) ) and immediately copied and saved the entire conversation so I could look back on that line. I'm not alone anymore. Wow. Someone knows what's happening in my head, and what's happened to me before, and is fighting with me. I'm not alone the way I always have been. I'm not drifting lost in the world, and there are people that have my back.

Tonight I was telling the friend I'm staying with about my fears for tomorrow (big long scary intake for the hospital outpatient program). I was telling her how concerned I am about them turning down or it otherwise not working out, since i've already been denied at a lot of places and not sure where I would go from here. My friend told me not to worry about it. She said to go in with an open min, and if it doesn't work "we'll find something else."

That we word again. Someone that's going to help me. It's still a huge, gigantic scary fight, but I'm not going to suffer alone. Someone knows I'm here, in the dark places, and will be there to help pull me out. I don't have to face the big scary monsters on my own. And that means more than I could ever express.

We. What a great word. In this case, so so so much better than I. Solitary I. Thank you to everyone who has been a part of my "we".