At some point this evening I'm gettin' outta here. Right now they're getting discharge papers filled out, getting some starter meds for me, and I'm waiting for my laundry to be done. (Thought it'd be nice to be clean and wearing clean clothes when I head back into the world.) I just looked up the bus schedule so I know how to get back to where my car is, and then i'll be going to a friend's house.
I have to admit a little part of me is scared about stepping into the real world. I obviously don't want to hang out here longer than I have to, but it's a little scary to be managing things on my own. I like being taken care of. But I also like my freedom and my cell phone and my facebook and my ability to get outside and etc. etc. I really really can't wait to go outside. Haven't had a breath of fresh air since Tuesday. I can't wait to go out and hug a tree and breathe fresh air.
They've got me on a bunch of different meds....my usual ADD stuff, one for flashbacks, an anti-depressant, a stronger sleeping med, and possibly something for anxiety. They haven't decided if the flashback one will be enough for anxiety or if they want to add something for anxiety in with it.
I have to admit as much as I've hated so many things about this place I think they've been good at workin stuff out behind the scenes. They have a really good program laid out for me. Also, when I get out I can still go to the outpatient program here at the hospital. They have therapists, psychiatrists, group therapy, and substance counseling. They've assured me that they have therapists that can help me deal with trauma specific issues. I'm realizing now that the only way I'm going to succeed sober is if I get a lot of help with calming myself during panic and flashbacks so I don't immediately reach for a drink to numb the pain.
I haven't decided for sure if I'm ready to quit drinking, since it is a useful coping mechanism, but we'll see. It will be nice to have the help of the hospital place to deal with that.
Will update more soon.
Glad to hear they're springing ya and it was really nice talking with you, too. As I have said over recent weeks, you are healing and it is going to suck bigtime through the process, but when you come out on the other side, it will have been worth it. I hope you can get a place to live quick and finish school. Now that you have better meds to help, I think you will find you won't turn to drinking as much and day to day life will be easier to handle. Don't forget to get notes for school.
ReplyDeleteI am always here if you need me, text (have lots of those now), call, e-mail, whatever works.
Oh, and if you stay for school, I may be out your way over Thanksgiving visiting my sister. My sis has always been welcoming, so if you don't have plans by then, maybe you can join us.
Anyway, dunno what time they are letting you out, but if I don't "talk" to you tonight in some way, I will talk to you tomorrow.
Nightaura
Please be careful mixing all those meds with alcohol. I've lost a lot of patients mixing drugs with alcohol. It really is a deadly combo!
ReplyDeleteI hope you're able to get to the point where drinking is no longer what you reach for. I can't tell you how much time I "lost". Once you find yourself, hopefully you'll be healed enough to give up the crutch and build relationships that you can replace it with. Alcohol really does build walls between you and others. If you haven't seen it yet, someday you will. It stinks! I grew up with so many alcoholics and our relationships suffered. Now that some of them are sober, we can have the relationships that I longed for growing up. Try not to repeat behaviors of kin that weren't healthy.
((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))
lovemy7
I'm so glad you're getting out. I've been through some of what you've been going through and I know it's hell. I also know that it's possible to heal and never return to that horrible place. I'm praying for you.
ReplyDeletemommyjane
glad you're getting out - you've been on my mind a lot since I read the FP board yesterday.
ReplyDelete-gatorgal79
I'm so glad you're safe and sound. It also sounds like you got a lot out of your short stay at the hospital. Good! You're on your way to better things. Just keep the door open to talking to folks and especially your counselor. It will help you navigate through working out your issues.
ReplyDeleteYou know you can message me anytime and I'll be here for you. You're a very, very special person, whether or not you believe it right now.
Hang in there.
swooz
Hey chicky - thinking of you and sending virtual mama hugs your way!!
ReplyDeleteSnarky aka Melissa