Tuesday, November 8, 2011

It's a miracle!

Something big happened in my life this morning. It might sound small, but it is absolutely huge for me.

As I've mentioned, I've been working on getting my apartment clean...or at least looking a little less like a bomb exploded in it. I cleaned the kitchen (most of it anyway) last night and had started working on cleaning the bathroom so I could finish decorating it.

Last night it took a while, but I managed to fall asleep at a relatively reasonable hour.

But here's where the miracle comes in. Today I woke up and very soon after waking thought, "I should get up and finish cleaning the bathroom so I can be done with that." And then I did it! Woohoo!

Yeah ok so it sounds small...but mornings are always intensely difficult for me. Even if it's an entire day filled with stuff I'm really, really looking forward to, it's always nearly impossible for me to get out of bed. That's been an on-going issue long before this whole downward spiral thing happened...though it has definitely been worse in the last year or so. Even back in childhood this was an issue and I really can't remember the last time I was able to wake up and get right out of bed (unless I was running really late!). Usually I wake up...lay around...hit the snooze button a few hundred times and then finally drag myself out of bed having made myself late. Today I wasn't even really on a schedule since I didn't have to be to school until late. I honestly can't remember the last time I was able to get myself out of bed that easily without being on a schedule.

I don't know if it's possible for new meds to kick in that quickly after just one dose, but it does seem like a good time. I'm guessing a lot of it is from the meds that were increased yesterday. The increased one is the same one that I saw instant results from while inpatient for dealing with flashbacks. I felt it working from the first moment I took it, so it seems possible that an increased dose could work that quickly again. I also think it's the fact that I've had some small successes lately...cooking, organizing, cleaning, etc. that i'm feeling way better about myself and life in general. My apartment is also feeling like a more peaceful place to be because I don't feel buried and entirely overwhelmed.

Regardless of the reasons, I'm taking this as a very good sign and enjoying every little bit I can out of this amazing morning/day. After finishing the bathroom this morning I also managed to clean out a bunch of the trash that was making the place feel like a mess, and get some stuff away in closets, etc. I again got that amazing feeling of accomplishment, and after all my appointments were done today I realized I was actually looking forward to getting home rather than dreading it. Yay!

I don't think I need to add any more that I'm grateful for to the end of this post, do I? :)

1 comment:

  1. so so proud of you, River. you are coming so far and accomplishing so much so quickly it's an amazing thing to be witness to. just wanted you to know i finally caught up reading and i'm sitting here closeby cheering you on every step of the way. you go girl!

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