Update from yesterday

I don't think many ppl are reading this...at least not anyone that I don't talk to regularly anyway. But in case anyone is wondering, yesterday/last night basically went from bad to worse. Some stuff brought up some major stress and panic for me. I ended up getting sick a lot, which is how my body deals with that level of stress. I threw up a lot and then just sat and cried. I remember feeling like I really, really needed to cut. Sometimes that's the only thing that can make it better. I don't really remember cutting. Well only a bit. The next thing I remember clearly is lots of blood. It was pretty bad. Definitely the worst in a while. But I don't remember feeling it. I don't remember it helping. I remember "coming back" later and really terrified. Thankfully a friend was there to talk me through it. I stayed pretty sick for the rest of the evening/night. This morning was a struggle but I made it to work and I'm starting to do a bit better. I guess this just has to be an accepted part of my life right now...that sometimes, out of the blue, I just can't function anymore. I only vaguely know what triggered it. Those are the worst...going from ok to horrible so fast...Anyway I'm ok for now, just back to sort of afraid to move and potentially trigger myself again.