That's how I'm feeling right now.
Sorry for all the negativity lately. That definitely wasn't my goal in starting a blog, though it seems to be the way things are going right now. I'm still pretty well devastated by the yesterday post stuff, though I can't figure out why it upsets me so much now. It's not a new memory or anything. Just seeing it in a new and rather creepy way.
Now I can't seem to stop reliving it. I hate it. Every time I see it in my head I start to feel a little less human. I never was treated as a human growing up, so that shouldn't surprise me. I just always want to pretend that there was love there. That I was a lovable child with "real" parents. The more I'm "forced" to revisit this stuff, the less I can hold on to that belief.
lacking many words at this point. but wanting you to know that i've read your posts and i understand where you are. sending much support.
ReplyDeletelove ya,
me