Creepy?

Does it make me weird/creepy that I love going to random parks and watching children of absolutely no relation to me play. I think it has to do with reminding myself that there are children out there growing up happy and innocent, and that good still exists in the world. There's nothing creepy about it for me, I just wonder if, with the way the world is today, if parents are thinking i'm a child molester or something. It's probably a good thing i'm not male in this case. Though I think realistically they probably don't even notice i'm there. One dad was so focused on watching his two little boys that he nearly stepped on me where I sat in the grass! Regardless, I usually bring a book with me so i'm not "just" staring. (I tend to zone out a lot...probably doesn't help the appearance).

Anyway, parks and children playing have become incredibly peaceful to me recently. I just love everything about it. It just feels like a little bubble of peace and happiness. Maybe it's pretending for that moment that I'm in their world, and my biggest worry is what slide to go down first. But I usually don't think that much about it. I just watch and feel comforted. It calms me when I'm panicking and when I'm hurting. Maybe it's just because it's simple. The stress of the world doesn't exist there.

I especially love youth sports. Maybe because then I have something specific to watch. For reasons entirely unknown to me, I especially love youth baseball. I really don't know what it is but something about the atmosphere at the park when kids are playing baseball just melts my stress away.

Today has been very, very difficult for me. A lot of struggles have been going on that I don't have the energy to go in to now. But this evening I picked up a "picnic" dinner from a burger place I like and I went to the park by my house with the baseball fields. Luckily for me there were games going on. I sat there for at least an hour (zoned out through a lot of it so not sure exactly) and watched a part of two different games. The kids playing were probably 6-7, so there was very little actual baseball going on. Now and then, a kid actually threw a ball that was catchable. But mostly they just flung it in random directions and then chased it. Kids managed to hit the ball but forgot to run the bases. Or, my personal favorite, one kid remembered while the other already on base forgot and they ended up both running together. Maybe that's what makes it fun...it's much more silliness than sport. Then again I like watching the older kids too, and they're good. If I have cable when it's on, I even like watching the little league world series when they play it on ESPN. Anyway, I spent at least an hour there...though I kept zoning out thinking about the mini baseball going on in front of me and forgetting everything else. Multiple times I had to remind myself where I was and what was going on around me. But considering the alternatives I could've been doing while panicking this badly, I would say watching kiddies play ball is a pretty good choice to zone out to. Now if only I could get them to play at all hours! :-P