It's been a very, very tough weekend. But in an attempt not to dwell on what I can't change, I'm just going to mention a few positive things that happened.
1. I got to talk to one of my very best friends in the world. I have never met this friend in person, but the connection I feel towards her is stronger than any I've ever felt. She's the one person that knows my full story. Unfortunately she has a story that's very similar. I never want to say that I'm glad someone else has felt the same pain I have, but I am so so glad that we found each other. Her presence is instantly calming to me because she just gets it without me having to explain. Even if we just sit together, I feel peace in being there with her. I talked to her on saturday night and I finally calmed down enough to sleep...which leads me to #2.
2. I slept almost 12 hours on saturday night! Pure bliss. I needed it BADLY! Sleep has been a big issue again lately. But my friend calmed me down and I was able to sleep nightmare-free. It's funny bc I fell asleep with the tv on and an episode of flash forward came on. I've never watched that show but it was in my dreams big time. I had a very vivid dream involving lots of ppl and what they'd seen in their "flash forward". lol
3. I went to an AA meeting. Being in a room full of ppl I don't know, especially when it's related to a stressful topic for me, is horrible for causing me panic attacks. Many times I have planned to go to a meeting, gotten all the way to the door, and then turned around and gone home bc I couldn't bring myself to actually open the door and go inside. Before today, I'd sat in many parking lots near meetings. I'd sat through one meeting from in the hallway. And I'd made it in the door for 15 minutes of one before needing to go outside and collapse into a sobbing mess. But today I made it in and stayed through the whole thing. It brought up a lot of thoughts in my head, but for now I'm just going to be happy and proud of myself for going and staying. There were no seats available in the back or close to the door so I got sorta stuck in the middle. Was good for me though that I made it and didn't panic. Partially thanks to the wonderful power of skittles...my new addiction! lol They seem to help keep me present and calm. Whatever works! lol
soooooooooooooo proud of you
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