I remember back in the day when I really liked weekends. I looked forward to having a break from the stress of day to day life during the week. I loved having time to just chill out and do nothing. That was then. Now weekends are less than fun. There is soooooo much in my head that downtime just isn't good. I think about drinking...about past stuff...just about stuff in general. Plus I have time to notice how crappy I still tend to feel. I don't know if i'm getting sick all over again or if this is related to alcohol or meds or what.
The stupid thing is...i'm well aware that there is plenty to do around here. Today I actually did manage to go pick up a table and chairs and a shelf thing from a friend and get it moved in. I went to the store and bought dishwasher stuff so I can start gettin the dishes i got out of storage clean again. (Oh...I got my old microwave out of storage...which may or may not have been sitting w/exploded food in it for the last um 5 years or so...lol) It may not be that old...and may have been used by family since then. Or maybe not. I really don't know and don't want to know! lol I also got laundry soap but haven't done laundry yet. I've done a bit of apartment rearranging plus just the amount of time it took to bring everything from my car up to my apt. So it wasn't awful...I did do some stuff...just not that much. A lot of feeling groggy and struggling to move. But my point is...there shouldn't be nearly as much sit and think time as I leave myself.
I had the option to go shopping w/a friend today but I turned it down because I wasn't feeling good. I'm really not feeling good, but it prob. would've helped my brain to go somewhere. Problem is when I don't feel good I tend to be angry and not a very nice person/good friend. Anyway...there's also tons of walking/running trails around my house and nothing stopping me from using them. I could take my bike on a short drive and have plenty of room to ride. There's lots and lots of things but I don't do them. Couldn't tell ya why. Just overwhelmed by the weight of the world I guess.
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