Crossroads...the update

So I'm sure you're all wondering what the result was of the whole crossroads decision. And by you all I mean the one or two people that read this blog from time to time. The update is that nothing has really happened and nothing has changed.

I spent thursday night finishing TONS of school stuff before the end of summer deadline that had totally snuck up on me. Due to some really frustrating administrative stuff, I didn't know the deadline until a month ago. Sounds like a long time but we're talking for an entire semester of work. To make matters worse since I haven't really felt a whole lot like living lately, I think I'd figured I wasn't going to be alive 'til the end of the class. So I kinda just stopped putting any work towards it. I tried, but I just couldn't focus at all. So thursday came and I realized I was still alive so I figured I'd better do the work. I worked till I crashed at about 2 or 3 am. I wrote 4 papers in one night and got it all ready to turn in.

So by the time I finished work friday...which happened to be one of the very hardest days since it was closing day and parents day so there was a ton going on....then rushed to the library to print everything...then rushed to campus and got there after the building had closed so had to run around frantically to find someone to let me in...I was in no mood to do much of anything. When I got home I just curled up in bed...didn't even make it to shower or anything. Talked with a friend for a bit...had a drink, and passed out. But I didn't pass out from the drink. No, I drank less than half a drink total (unless I did a REALLY good job hiding the empties from myself!). I don't actually remember falling asleep...I might've just dissociated. But the next thing I knew it was 4am when it had just been 9 or 10:00. So that was the excitement of Friday.

So the big life decision is still out there.

Now to add to the fun...it turns out I misread the deadline for my schoolwork. It was late. It's kind of a weird situation though. The work isn't actually due until next year (self paced...I get a year to complete the class). However it's a pre-requisite for all the classes I need to take in the fall, and it all needed to be in by thursday in order to count as being completed in the summer to count towards fall. I asked for an extension but unfortunately the professor really seems to dislike me. She didn't even want me in the class to begin with. (long story). I'm still trying to argue it...I have to pass the class w/a D or better for it to be a pre-req. I know I had more than 60% of the work turned in by the deadline, so maybe they could count that 60% as the D or better but then still give me the final grade I deserve for doing all the work. I'm just so stressed and frustrated, because w/out this class I can't take ANYTHING this fall. This class being available as an independent study in the summer is one of the big reasons I chose this school even though it happens to be in a city that stresses the hell outta me. And now of course it's way too late to get in anywhere else. I'm trying to fight this but no one will talk to me and I'm working overtime this week so I have basically zero time during business hours to work on it. The professor who is apparently in charge of all this (the one who hates me) is "out of the office" with no more detail given. I'm supposed to contact her when she's back, but she's given no indication as to when that will be. I would understand them treating me like this if i'd been clearly screwing around or if I was a crappy student, but I got a very high A in the online class I took w/her over the winter...100% on all the papers, regular super positive comments on my online discussions (we all KNOW I like to talk online! lol) and started and continued discussions more than just about anyone else. So I feel I've made it clear that I'm here to work hard and I'm a good student. Unfortunately my personal life stuff has made it really really hard to keep up with deadlines but she doesn't seem to get that AT ALL. (Plus, it was a lot of really weird, non-descript communication on her end that got me in to this mess of only having a month to begin with).

Since spending this fall as a full time student was the one thing I was really sure on, this is totally throwing me for a loop right now. I was really ready to buckle down and get a bunch of credits out of the way. Now I don't know if I should be looking for a regular full time job, or a fit around school job. I don't know if it's even worth it for me to stay here since this city brings up so much bad stuff for me. But if I moved, where the hell would I go?

Oh and on that note...have I mentioned that my roommate has decided she hates me and is kicking me out of the house? She can't really kick me out, but I refuse to stay somewhere where I'm being treated poorly and feeling uncomfortable. (She says she finds me "creepy", amongst other things). So I'm about to be homeless, jobless, and school-less. Remind me again why I was gonna stop drinking?

I'm really trying not to drink right now bc I know my drunk self won't make a good impression on future roommates. Then again my drunk self is much more social. I'm trying to stay positive and keep trying but it's damn hard right now. Sorry.