I've had a lot going on these days and have really wanted to post/update about it, but exhausted only begins to scratch the surface of the way i've been feeling lately. It never occurred to me just how taxing a long-commute winter job would be. The days are just too darn short! I leave my house when the sun is just barely coming up, and by the time I make it back it's already dark. Literally on the go from dawn until dusk. Add to that that my job is very energy intensive, both mentally and physically. I'm responsible for chasing a group of small children on skis around a mountain. I have to make sure they have enough instruction to be safe and sometimes chase them down to keep them from killing themselves or someone else when they're out of control (and kids have NO concept of starting slow in order to keep from getting out of control, and tend to not realize it's going to be an issue until it's WAY too late). Then I have to be energetic and make sure the kids are happy and having fun, deal with the emotional issues (fear, missing parents, etc.), and at the end of the day explain it all to the parents and answer their questions. So yeah...the days are long. They go by fast, but I find myself often wondering where's the "me time." Thankfully tomorrow is my last day in the marathon run of days. Granted I didn't work all the days that I was supposed to but it's still been a lot. Add the sobriety issues on top of that....plus the physical issues (my body being very out of shape and the set up of this mountain requiring a lot of additional physical labor, leaving me sore from head to toe)....well yeah, exhausted. Oh, and I haven't really been sleeping too well.
But. That's where the good news comes in! I slept last night! I had 8 hours of absolute bliss! And I even had a funny dream...not a scary one!
My new years was...odd. Because of sleep issues I wasn't able to make it out to do anything (either sober events or non). I ended up staying home in my pajamas and reading. Never thought I'd see the day THAT happens on new years! ( happened to have been reading the AA big book, which I think makes the irony that much more amusing).
The situation I mentioned in the last post with the laundry didn't resolve well. Because of more sleep issues and falling asleep way too late I slept through my early morning alarm. I woke up having to rush to get ready...except that some time during the night the water had come back on and the machine had decided to run my load. So all of my work clothes were wet. Ended up calling in and crying...telling work ppl I was in the midst of a crisis and couldn't make it in. I didn't cry on purpose, but I didn't put a whole lot of effort in to stopping the tears either. I was fairly certain if I missed another day I was going to lose my job, since I've already been lectured about it. They never called me back though, and when I went back the next day it wasn't brought up. I think they recognize that I'm a good instructor and they want me there...despite some of the issues I've had.
This job has been a huge source of stress. I almost ended up quitting that day. I had already decided that if they even hinted at wanting to fire me I would go with a mutually agreed upon need to quit. As I said from the start...it's a lot. I think it's better than me not working, but it is quite the trying experienced coupled with everything else going on. After tomorrow I'll go to just weekends and possibly wednesdays as well depending on how they want to schedule me. I have a feeling that will work a whole hell of a lot better than this 7-8 days in a row crap. Also very soon I'll be starting working with programs where I'll have the same kids every week which removes a lot of the stress because at least I'll know what to expect (and because the first day is the hardest to teach and lately almost all of my lessons have been first day groups! At least if I get a never-ever group for the long-term programs it'll only be there first day on the first day!).
Ok...bed time...hoping to sleep again tonight.
And in case you weren't sure...sleep is absolutely 100% what I'm grateful for. It's amazing to have a real, restful night of sleep.
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