Yep...still at the spa. It's a good thing I got more than the 3 days worth of stuff they suggested on thursday. Tonight is night #5 at the wonderful La Quinta spa. I'm still enjoying the nice plush bed and cable tv...but i'm getting really tired of not knowing where I'm going to be from night to night. The first few nights weren't a big deal because I knew it was going to be at least until Sunday. But now no one can tell me for sure each day until the evening. I'd just like to know what home I'm going to when I'm heading home from work.
Aside from that...a quick update on the last few days.
Sunday morning I slept a bit too well in the nice spa bed. Ok way too well. It was kind of ridiculous. I fell asleep at 11:00, which is pretty good for me. My alarm was set for 6:00. I woke up after 9:00!! I had no recollection of hearing my alarm go off at all. I set it the same way as the day before...though thinking it'd be even better in the morning because I got an extra hour of sleep. (Had to be up just after 5:00 Sat.). Considering that I was supposed to be at work at 8:30 and I'm more than an hour away, I had to make a very embarrassing call in. Definitely not the impression I wanted to make on day #2! When I first called I left a message saying I would get there as soon as I could. Then I attempted to stand up and discovered that my calf was so so so not ok! It was as bad as it'd been when I first took my boots off the day before. I could barely walk to get to the bathroom (which was frustrating cus I really had to pee! lol). I gave it a bit more thought and realized that 1. I'd only be able to get there for half the day, 2. I already knew what was being taught in training that day well enough that I could probably run the training, and 3. without a day of rest my calves may never recover. I called in again and this time got to talk to someone and explain the whole situation. They were not happy with me and mentioned multiple times how important the training is (I think they were thinking I may be trying to blow it off out of boredom). They did agree with me though that at that point it'd be better for me to stay home.
It was really nice to get a bit of rest, but with my schedule so thrown off I really had no idea what to do with myself. I got into a bit of my "stuck" kind of rest where I knew there were so many things I should be doing but I was just out of motivation. At first I got some good journaling and such done but then I just got kinda stuck in my head and yucky feeling.
Because I didn't do much during the day (and probably because I slept so much the night before), I couldn't get to sleep at all that night. I did all sorts of strategic alarm setting but still slept through the alarms again. Grrrrrrr. At least this time it was just waking up at 7:00, so I still had a chance. Of course I had to pack up everything out of the hotel room thinking that I'd be back in my apartment tonight....so I had A LOT to do in very little time. (In a perfect world I would've been leaving at 7:00, so every second counted). I was late again, so again it looked not so good, but I was on time enough that I was still able to get in to shadow a lesson. I shadowed an adult lesson...which was kind of strange because there were 3 students, the instructor, and 2 shadows. Two of the three ppl picked things up right away while the 3rd was struggling, so I started giving tips to the 2 while the instructor worked with the 1. Apparently I was not supposed to do that though and the instructor was not real happy w/me about it. I asked her where she wanted me and she said, "Shadowing me. Just follow me." So then it was one person w/an instructor and two shadows (who had both taught before) while the other two were on their own. Every other shadow experience I've had before...on either side...has been more of a team teaching thing so this was really strange to me to literally just be following. It was also a struggle to me because I saw glaring issues and could've helped make things much easier for the students but I had to hold my tongue. Then part way through my calf started screaming in pain to the point that it nearly brought me to tears.
I've figured out that the biggest cause of the really bad pain is having to stand on it for long periods of time (I already knew this for the most part, but it's confirmed now). The chairlift rides allow gravity to stretch it out a bit so it's not stuck flexed. But the beginner stuff is all on surface lifts (think escalator you can ride with skis on) so you don't get to sit and there's no gravity stretch.
We got one run on the chairlift at the end of the lesson and instantly it started to feel better. It was still sore though, so when I went in for lunch I asked if I was expected to shadow another lesson in the afternoon. It was a bit strange because first they said they were only concerned with me shadowing a kids' lesson, but there were none available so then they put me with adults. Then they said they wanted me to get in a full day of adult shadowing. But as I was asking these questions, the combination of my cramped calf and my pms cramps were overwhelming and I was just not feeling good at all. I mentioned that I was really ok with not shadowing another lesson, and that they had said I didn't really need the adult shadowing, and that there were a lot of ppl there who wanted to shadow, and that my calves could really use more rest....etc. I tried to do it as delicately as possible bec I hate to give them just one more reason to look like I'm not dedicated. But again I think it was a good decision. It hurt like hell when I took my boots off but nothing like it was on saturday. It also went away faster. It still hurts now, but I'm ok except for when I have to walk down stairs.
Ok so I'm probably too late to make this a quick update...and once again it's gotten late though I said I was going to bed early (grrrr) so I'll make the rest of this quick. There's one more little piece of exciting news. I went to a new AA meeting tonight...one out by the hotel. It takes a lot to get me in to a new meeting...but more exciting than that I actually talked...not once but twice! I usually struggle to talk even just to say my name/introduce myself there. I also met a girl there that's slightly newer to sobriety than me and she and I have a lot in common. We talked for a bit afterwards. (Also one of the first times I haven't felt the need to race out of a meeting as soon as it's over).
K...going to make an effort at this sleep thing...nitey nite!
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I have a very cool bit of gratitude I've discovered. I'm grateful that I'm able to feel and acknowledge very strong emotions with the knowledge that they will eventually go away again, and without having to hit freak out mode. Lately I've had some times where I've been really overwhelmed by emotion, but rather than freaking out, feeling like i'm losing it, or doing something stupid like I normally would...i've been able to experience the emotion for what it is, see it end to end, and then move on. That is HUGE for me and i'm very grateful for it. It gives me a chance to learn how to process emotion without being entirely terrified of it.
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