Vindicated!

So I went to IOP today, even though it involved driving through a snowstorm. It was a tough decision, but I decided with this crazy week I needed something routine regardless of everything else.

I actually made it there early, and because of the snow I was the only one there. (They had also moved us to a different room bc of a pipe that had burst and flooded our room, so I was starting to wonder if the group was even happening). The extra time gave me a chance to talk to Stupidface, and I let him know I was upset with how Wednesday was handled. He said, "Oh really? Why?" I told him that I felt I had been there at 9:00, not after. He said, "It was about 9:08, you were almost 10 minutes late." I told him that I had checked my phone right as I was coming in to the room and it said 9:00, and that Becky had confirmed that with me when I'd talked to her on the phone. I went on to calmly and rationally explain the issues that I posted about here that bothered me about the situation...that I'd said on monday that this was something I was really working on...that it was a new rule...that I was intimidated and still feeling shaky after tuesday...I got it all out without getting emotional at all. He said he could see why it bothered me, and had he realized it was 9:00 and not 9:10 he would've handled it very differently. He apologized to me and later apologized again in front of the group. Yay! Granted today was a very small group because only 2 others made it through the storm, but the thought is the same. It also just feels good to have handled it calmly and rationally and gotten a good result. This doesn't take away the lesson of should've been there at 8:45 and made it a non-issue, but it still feels good to have been heard.

The other funny part about group today...a new guy was there...he's actually been a member for a few weeks now but has only actually shown up a couple of times even though he always says he'll be there. I think after he heard stupidface apologize to me he wanted an apology too (he'd come in after me on wednesday and was sent away as well), and went on and on about how he was trying so hard only to be turned away. I had already had my turn and talked about the stuff my sponsor has been sayin to me and the ass kicking she gave me, and someone commented that her advice worked for this guy's situation as well. I ended up saying something about how he's gotta just do it, because "if you only knew..." really doesn't work in the real world. He reminds me A LOT of how I was when I first started IOP though...only coming now and then, showing up way late, making excuses, etc. He also had a very visible desire for us to all give him the "poor baby..." treatment for everything, which isn't so much like me now but definitely was not that long ago in my life. It's always interesting to see someone who has a lot of your former bad habits (ok they're not totally gone, but definitely reduced). It helped me a lot to see how much I've changed. My priorities have shifted, as well as my willingness and ability to work hard for this. I worry about this particular person, but after today i doubt we'll see him back in iop again. He is really unhappy with it for multiple reasons (mainly that it involves waking up early 3x/week and that he's being told he has to quit smoking pot in order to stay in the group since it's a total abstinence group) and today stupidface told him basically that that's how it works and if he doesn't like it he can find a different group to go to. Again not what he wanted since he was clearly in search of the poor baby type sympathy. He's young, and has a lot of potential so I hope he finds something that works for him before he has to go through another bunch of years of pain first.

I got to go out to dinner with Katie tonight. Katie is my friend I met at an AA meeting a while back. She and I both came in to the program around the same time and have lots of stuff in common. (She may have been mentioned previously under a different name but I don't remember what name I used for her and don't feel like looking for it. Maybe I should start a list. lol) Anyway, It's always a lot of fun to get to spend time with her, and a nice break from everything else. I'm definitely thankful for Katie tonight, because she's always a bright spot in whatever else is going on. Even when we're struggling, we always seem to get each other's struggles which makes it easier to manage.