Life

There's a lot going on in my life right now. Some good, some bad, all more than I want to get in to right now.

I'm understanding why I worked so hard to block out emotions. Emotions are exhausting! And confusing! In a particularly frustrating time yesterday, this song came on the radio. It's a favorite of mine but I hadn't heard it in a while. It sums up how I feel right now so well.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yJ6sAc4gZgc



I went to a really good AA meeting last night and everyone commented on how good I sounded. I know progress is happening, it's just so freakin' slow sometimes and with so many roadblocks. It feels like trying to ride a bike with no gears up the side of a giant mountain while carrying a 50 lb pack, with tons of boulders blocking the path. Every now and then there's an incredible view and a feeling of triumph, but between those it's being trapped in the midst of seemingly impossible work. But I keep pedaling. I keep putting one foot in front of the other even though some days I just want to hide and don't feel like I can pedal at all.

I'm talking to my sponsor a lot and she's helping me figure out what I need to focus on right away and what can be set aside. The big challenge now is learning how to successfully set those things aside so I can give my total focus to the challenges at hand without wasting energy worrying about what may be up ahead. Basically, I could have a brand new bike by the time I get to the really steep hills, so no need to stress now about how to climb them. Makes total sense in theory, but a really really hard thing to convince myself of in practice!