Not much going on here...but I'm trying to get back in to the habit of writing regularly. Also, when there's less going on it's easier to find time to write. :)
This morning was frustrating. I slept in, and slept through my alarm, so I had to miss my workout. Sleep and waking up is a big debate thing for me right now. I know that one of the things that's supposed to help with insomnia is to wake up at the same time every morning. That actually did work for me for a while, but if I'm too tired I won't wake up to an alarm. (This morning wasn't even all that early and I still didn't wake up to it). The other piece to it for me is lately my body has just felt really worn out and run down. At some point, I need to sleep. Unfortunately my body doesn't react the way you'd think to not sleeping much. If I sleep very little (like just a few hours) one night, it's even harder to get to sleep the next night. Unless I sleep all day or something, it often seems easier to get to sleep when I'm well rested. I guess it works that way for babies, so maybe it makes sense that it works that way for me too? I don't know...I used to be more "normal" about it and if I hadn't slept much the previous night I would fall asleep early and sleep well that night. But yeah...anyway...back to today.
I was really bummed to miss going to the gym. I probably should've gone for a walk or something but I didn't think of that. Instead I stayed home and watched football, which turned out to be pretty fun since both of the teams I was cheering for won. Yay! While I was watching football I did A LOT of cleaning. I'm in the midst of a major cleaning project right now. I always feel like I don't have time to clean or be organized because I'm too busy with school, so I figured while I'm still on break I should clean. I'm also realizing that I really want to become more of a "grown-up" in my life. I want to get out of the child searching for help from mommy mode, and embrace the mentality of the adult that I actually am. I realized that my apartment doesn't look at all like a grown-up lives here. Frankly, it looks like the grown-ups left town and left the kids home alone just a bit too long! My goal now is to have a place that looks a bit more put together, that I won't be embarrassed of if people come over (even though the only people that would be coming over are my good friends that I know I don't need to impress), and that will help me on my quest to grown-uphood. I know for me I need to put myself in an environment that feels like where I want to be, because often, especially when I'm struggling, I will act based on how my environment feels. If my surroundings are chaotic, I'll feel chaotic and probably won't accomplish much. This also gives me a project to work on even when I get lazy/panicky/anxious/whatever and don't want to leave my house, so I can't get out of doing stuff! haha
So I cleaned, a lot, and slowly things are coming together. I actually even vacuumed my closet today! I've never done that! lol Usually there's so many piles of crap in there you don't see the floor. But now everything's in labeled boxes with other stuff like it, and I can actually find things. Oooooh. Yay progress! And now I get to feel accomplished, which is helpful since I've felt like I can't manage much lately. This week is my last week before school starts...and it really really needs to be productive (beyond just cleaning). So here's hoping I can start the week off well tomorrow, and carry this momentum forward. If you're the praying type and would want to say a prayer in that direction I would really appreciate it. Thanks!
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I'm grateful for football. It made me happy today. :) I'm also grateful for a gift card for the burger place by my house that a friend sent me for Christmas. I realized I was hungry and had no food, so I was able to run out for a burger at half time of the 2nd game. (Hopefully soon I'll have a job so I won't rely so heavily on gift cards...that's another something that the praying types out there could maybe help me with...or just send positive job-getting thoughts my way or something...)
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