A while back I went to get my car washed. Apparently it was a popular afternoon for car washing because there were a lot of people there. I decided to make use of the time sitting in line by cleaning out/organizing the inside of my car. I'd already finished the front area, so I was starting to work on the back. This meant that as I progressed farther back my climbing over the seats was getting more and more awkward. I started thinking about how ridiculous I must've looked to the guy behind me.
While cleaning I found a half full bottle of pop. I had no idea how old it was but plenty old enough! I debated if it would be wrong to dump it out in the parking lot right there. It seemed like not a big deal, but I knew the person behind me was probably watching and who knows what he might be thinking. Maybe he's some kind of environmentalist who would want to say something about it (though if that were the case I'd think he'd have more issues with the car wash itself than the half bottle of pop.
Every time the line progressed this guy pulled up right behind me. This is something that irritates me in any line...whether in a vehicle or on foot. It makes me feel crowded and rushed, since being a little closer up isn't going to get you there any faster. When it was finally my turn to put my code in to the machine I had some minor issues figuring out how to do it. Since I already felt rushed by the guy behind me it was magnified by my frustrations with the machine.
By the time I finally got into, and out of, the car wash, I drove away thinking, "Damn that guy behind me was annoying!" But then I realized...I didn't even know for sure if the guy was a guy. I never actually saw him (or her). I have no idea if s/he was paying any attention to me (probably not...I have no idea what the person in front of me was doing). It's doubtful that they cared much at all about any of it because they probably had their own thoughts going on. I doubt s/he was thinking of rushing me either...and had they stayed back farther I probably would've taken that to mean that they were somehow looking down on me as well! But I had written an entire story about this person that I had never met, spoken to, or even seen! Imagine how much other judging and assuming I've been doing...
Fast forward to today...I get a call from my sponsor this evening (that I missed) with a short message to call her on her home phone. She almost never calls me (I'm usually the one to call her...unless i've called and left a message asking her to call), especially if we've already talked that day (which we had, less than an hour prior). I figured there was some specific reason, but normally she would just say the reason in her message...like if she forgot to tell me something. I called her back right away when I got the message but she didn't answer. I started thinking about reasons she might of called, and within minutes I had reached, "Omg somebody died and she didn't want to tell me on voicemail! Or someone's in the process of dying and she's not answering because she's at the hospital with them!" Totally denying the lack of logic in her telling me to call her home phone if she was heading out to the hospital....amongst other things.
The logical side of me said that the fact that she'd asked me to call her home phone (something I'm not sure I've ever done, I usually call her cell, meant she was probably having some technical issues with her phone and wanted me to call it so she could test it or something like that. But my not so logical side had already run away with a long list of ideas, each crazier than the last. (We're talking thoughts like maybe she thought I'd done something crazy/bad and she wanted me to call her home phone that was set up to record a confession...now ignoring the fact that she wouldn't have had the knowledge or the time to set something like that up, that if she thought i'd done something she'd just ask me, and that I hadn't done anything so there'd be nothing to confess!).
I finally did connect with her and the logical part of me was of course correct. After we'd talked earlier her phone had somehow locked up and she wanted to know if my phone had done something similar or if it was just hers. Not exactly worth the hour of near panic that ensued after the first attempted call.
I wish I knew how to make my brain stop running away like that. It's funny because I had been complaining to my sponsor earlier about dealing with a friend's paranoia and how frustrated I was. (Hers is different...it has many layers and goes super deep to the point that it's taking over every interaction she has...but still). Anyway it's so frustrating when I know that my fears are 100% illogical but they're there anyway. Maybe it's because some of what happened to me is 100% illogical. Maybe it's because I know the kind of crazy stuff that actually takes place out there. Or maybe it's just because I have a crazy, over-thinking, magnifying mind. And people wonder why I refuse to watch all the violent, intense crime shows out there now. This brain of mine does NOT need any new ideas! I'll stick to my happy little sitcoms thank you!
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Can I be grateful for happy little sitcoms, or is that a cop-out? I really am. Sometimes tv is just awesome to help me relax and be a distraction. Especially the show Mom. It is the most incredible show I've seen in a long time. I generally laugh so hard i'm practically falling off my couch! Though you may have to be an alcoholic to really get it. But to think I almost never saw it at all because it sounded like it was going to be awful, sappy, and obnoxious based on the title. There's that judging on little to no actual information again! It's soooo the complete opposite in a totally awesome way! :)
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