Peace

I've been struggling lately.  I'm not going to go into too much detail as to why, but I haven't been sleeping, I've been really overwhelmed, and it's just felt hard to know which way is up.  The depression has been getting overwhelming, and it's hard to do much to fight any of this.

I went to a meeting tonight.  It's one of the regular ones I've been going to pretty much since I started AA.  It was a decently good meeting.  I got to bring up the topic, ppl had good stuff to say, etc.  At the end, as usual, we all joined hands to say a prayer.  (Which by the way I thought was unbelievably corny and uncomfortable when I first started going to meetings...still do really, but it is what it is).  As ppl started the prayer I realized that I was sandwiched between two of my very favorite people.  My sponsor was on one side, and on the other this guy I've known pretty much since the beginning of IOP.  (He started after me but graduated before me...I needed more...remedial help...lol  We've since become good friends, and he's a big part of the reason I go to this meeting every Friday even though it's a long drive for me).  Anyway, as I realized I was sandwiched between these two I suddenly felt this amazing sense of peace.  I forgot all about the prayer and just closed my eyes and drank in the moment of holding the hands of two people I know care about me and what happens to me.  I really can't explain it, but it was this moment of protection.  All was well.  I was ok.  (And this is especially amazing/surprising for me because I'm really not one for touching or hand holding or any of that!)  This all lasted maybe 20 seconds tops, but it was very very real.

Interesting that part of the topic was about how to know what god's will is for you.  In that moment it sure seemed to be god's will that I was right where I was.