Grandparents

I'm currently spending my last night in my apartment. It's a strange, bittersweet feeling. This apartment has been the site of so much for me. It started (in the original apartment) as a miraculous opportunity to have my own place after being essentially homeless. Then the asbestos crisis happened, which eventually turned in to such a major tragedy and loss. In the immediate it was just a struggle to deal with change in routine. The "temporary apartment" (where I am now, for this final night, and where I lived longer than the initial apt) was so amazing and nice at first. But then it was so cold and barren feeling to me after everything it lead me to relapse. (Ok lots of stuff lead me to relapse but that sealed the deal). This has also been the place where I've gotten sober. Essentially all of my sobriety has taken place here. A part of me is gleefully celebrating the chance to get out of here. But there's also a part of me that's grown really attached to hear, because in a sense I came of age here.

It was fitting that tonight is wednesday and I was able to go to my grandparent meeting. My grandparent meeting is one at a retirement home, and is made up of almost entirely people at least twice my age. It's also a place that means so much to me, as it was the first meeting that I ever really went to. I had been to a couple of others, but I snuck in late and left early so I didn't have to talk to anyone. This is the first one where I actually came in, sat down, and talked to people. I think it was less threatening than others because they were all very grandparent types. They took me in and were so kind to me. Now they've seen me make the transition from quiet, terrified, and refusing to say much of anything, to my current stable, sober self. The meeting has been a little boring the last few weeks, but tonight almost all the regulars were there and it was a really great meeting. I announced that I was moving and got an awwwww from everyone (not sure if that's the right spelling of aww for the aw we'll miss you...lol). We all talked afterwards about how we're going to miss each other. They said they've really liked seeing the transition in me. It made me realize just how much they really helped me. I rag on the meeting sometimes, especially lately, because it is sometimes a little dull (they've all been sober a long time so they aren't dealing w/the immediate issues I am), but it really has done a lot for me. I'll never forget that first meeting with them. I cried my eyes out and sat there terrified, thinking I can't believe I'm actually here doing this. But they accepted me and were so kind.

I want to do something for them to thank them, but I really don't know what I could do. I do know that I can stay sober, and really that's the best thing I can offer them. I know it would let them down after they've seen me be so successful to hear about me out drinking. Just one more reason to do the right thing.

Please say a prayer for me for tomorrow...it's going to be a race to get everything moved out and cleaned up before class. I don't feel like I have all that much to do but these things always seem to take longer than you think. Please say a prayer that I can get it done, that I can deal with all the errands I need to, and that I can do it without completely tearing my hair out. Thanks!