Deafening Quiet

I made the move today. I didn't realize just how loud my apartment complex was until I got here. I'm now in this quiet neighborhood, and it was just unbelievable when I walked outside. It's an absolutely beautiful night...clear and about 60 degrees. Feels like summer, not mid-march, but I'll take it.

Everything took way longer than expected. I guess I should've expected that it would. Moving ALWAYS takes a long time, and longer than you think it will. I thought since I don't have much stuff now I could have it packed up in a couple hours and spend the rest of the day cleaning. Instead it took me all day to do the packing and loading the car. So I'll be going back tomorrow after iop to do the cleaning. It's a really good thing I told them I'd be moving thursday even though I'd planned on being out of there today. Hmm I guess in some ways I did know it'd take longer than I expected. :)

I do have to say I'm proud of myself today. I really struggled to get started this morning. Because of all my fears about moving that little voice in my head was telling me to wait til thursday to really put in any work. But I managed to push through it and put some really good work in with only a few little breaks. But the part that I'm really proud about...I was telling myself for a lot of the day that I would move stuff in but I would still spend the night at the apartment. But it hit me that that was totally a fear thing. The new place is way closer to school (had my evening class today) and way closer to iop which I will have in the morning. It made no sense to drive all the way out to the apartment tonight. I realized that I need to start seeing the new place as home, and that I have to just jump in. So I did, and that's where I am now.

I just have to say, I LOVE BEING CLEAR HEADED!!! :) Not just sober, but my mind has calmed down enough in so many ways that I can actually see what is going on (the fear), and deal with it. I can take care of what I need to do with so much better focus. Yes I did have my mind wandering times today, but for the most part I really stuck with what I needed to do. Overall it showed a lot of good things for me. Oh, and being off the medication I mentioned yesterday is AMAZING! The doctor had warned me that it would probably take at least a few days to feel any different (and I thought that was a short time...I was thinking weeks), but I already feel sooooooo much better today. The aggravating and almost painful restlessness and fidgetiness is nearly GONE! I don't have that feeling of being constantly physically uncomfortable to some degree. I hope this isn't a dream or some sort of weird coincidence because I'm really really liking what I'm seeing. And so far (knock on wood), I haven't seen any negative affects from not taking it. :)