Big

There's some big stuff happening right now. Big changes.

It looks like I'm going to be moving out of my current apartment and in with a friend. I just told this friend that I want to today and now I'm kind of freaking out about it. It's across town from my little community I'm building for myself. I'll still be able to get to some of the meetings i'm going to now, but they'll be a 30 min. drive rather than 5. Also I'll be giving up the independence of living alone, which i've come to really enjoy even though it freaked me out at first. Plus, it's change. And change scares me right now. I've moved plenty of times in my life...I've lived in many different states and refer to myself as a nomad. So really this kind of thing isn't new to me, but right now with my life being in such a state of major change it feels much more threatening. And, if I'm going to be able to make this work, I have to move VERY soon. Like on Tuesday. But despite my concerns and current freaking out, this seems like it was meant to be and I'm trying to keep reminding myself of that. Let me explain some of the good here:

*I had started apartment hunting because I was tired of all the issues with my current place. But it was stressful. Apartment hunting always is. But this time I said a prayer (learning about this relying on the higher power thing) and I felt this amazing feeling of peace, that the right place would show up at the right time, and I would know it's right. That very day I spoke to my friend S, who told me she had a room for rent but all the people she was finding through Craigslist were creeps. Wow.

*The new place is in a much better location for getting to school and to the clinic. Easy drive, and possibly even bike-able when the weather gets warmer. Plus it's very close to easy public transportation, especially for getting to campus. I'll save a lot on gas.

*Rent is cheaper that I'm currently paying, and utilities are WAY cheaper. More money saved.

*This friend is in AA. (We didn't meet through AA...we met elsewhere and then found out at random we were both AA'ers...another weird coincidence in all of this). I'll be in a sober place, and have the support of another alcoholic. She'll understand some of my "quirks," or at least be more likely to than most. And, I'll have someone to introduce me to meetings in the new area and we can encourage each other to go.

*Speaking of meetings...this part is crazy. This new place is VERY close (less than a mile away) from an AA club. It just so happens to be the club I spent nearly all of Christmas Eve at after my relapse. For those that don't know the story, I relapsed right before Christmas Eve, and I ended up calling the AA hotline knowing I was in trouble but not knowing how to stop. I ended up talking to a woman for quite a while that night, and we met at a meeting the next morning so I'd have somewhere to go and stay out of trouble. She introduced me to some other ppl there too. We've stayed in touch since, and she's been a huge source of support for me. I've already called her and told her the news and she offered to meet me at a meeting on and help me ease the transition. So it seems meant to be because it happens to be close to the one other AA spot I have any connection with anywhere. Definitely a sign, right? What's also hitting me is that had I not relapsed, I wouldn't have any connection to this club and the move would be scarier. So maybe my higher power was looking out for me even then. Not that he/she wanted me to relapse, but it seems like he/she used my relapse to help me find the right people.

Pretty cool, right? Stuff falling in to place. I'm thinking maybe this is what the 3rd step is all about...trusting my life to a higher power. Somehow, when you're open to it and ready for it, stuff manages to work out. I'm still totally freaked out by all this, and worried about being away from the social circle i'm just barely starting to develop...but god seems to be telling me this is where I'm meant to be. And if it comes to it, there's no lease or anything attached to this so if it doesn't go well I can go back to the apartment hunt for next month.

Would love some prayers and good thoughts this way if you don't mind!

-------------

I'm thankful for my higher power that seems to be looking out for me. :)