I've been doing a lot of debating with people on facebook lately (yet another reason I really need a job...too much free time to be spent getting pissed at people who don't agree with me! lol). I don't want to bring the whole debate over here, but I do want to address an issue that keeps coming up. Opportunity.
These days in all things political I keep hearing things like, "You get what you put in," "Life is what you make it," "It's all about hard work," etc. These things are true to an extent, but people seem to miss a big glaring hole in the theory.
If two people are running a mile long race, and they've both trained the same amount and work just as hard as each other, they should finish at about the same time. But what if one of those people gets to start a half mile into the course? Clearly, the guy at the regular starting line is going to have to work much, much, much harder to have any kind of a chance!
Like it or not, the same is true in life. We don't have the same starting line, and it seems like all too often it's the guy starting a half mile in telling the guy who ran the full race, "Well gee if you'd just worked harder you could've gone as fast as me. Too bad you're so lazy."
Every aspect of life is something that determines how far along the course you get to start. But often these deciding factors are so a part of us, and so much taken for granted, that we don't even realize what a gigantic boost they are.
I hear many people say that they "came from nothing." But did they? Really? If they went to college, who paid for it? Who encouraged them to go? In some families, it is assumed that you will go to college after high school. For others, it is a practically unheard of pipe dream. Between the money to pay for it and the work it takes to get there, it's just not considered a possibility. These things make a difference! It changes the mindset you go into your adult life with. It's not the parents' fault. They're a product of their experiences. They don't live in a world where going to college is all that realistic. As far as the expenses go, I hear many say, "Well I worked my way through school." First off, I say more power to ya. College tuition is getting so ridiculous that anyone who is creative enough to find a way to work their way through school deserves lots of credit. But that's another story for another time. The point for now is, who paid your other expenses? How much support did your parents offer you? I have friends who have been working to help support their family from the time they were first old enough to get a job! If you're working at 13 just to make sure you and your family members get to eat, saving up for college is not happening!
Speaking of food, did you go to school on a full stomach? Did you have enough to eat at night while you were working on your homework? Have you ever tried to focus when you didn't? This is one I can speak to from direct experience. When you're hungry, you don't care about solving math equations. You just don't. And even if you do, it's hard to string together the focus required to do it. I always used reading as my distraction. I loved to read and was good at it. I could go anywhere in a book and be safe and cared for. I could forget about my reality for a while. But even then, that was different than being able to focus enough to accomplish homework on time.
And speaking of homework, what were your schools like? I was fortunate enough to go to a pretty good school, even though I didn't live in the greatest of neighborhoods. I had amazing teachers who are probably a big part of why I'm still sane today. In elementary school they genuinely loved me, cared for me, and helped me feel safe...something I didn't have anywhere else. For that reason I loved going to school. When I was older and was homeless, teachers and other school employees kindly looked the other way when I'd sneak into the locker room for a shower, get extra food from the cafeteria, and find a corner in the library to sleep. It wasn't ideal, but it was a good place and they were good, caring people. Not long ago I read a book about one of the poorest neighborhoods in New York City. The school in this neighborhood had classrooms that were literally overflowing, and not enough teachers for them. The building itself was infested with rats. Could you learn in that kind of an environment? The book was called Amazing Grace by Jonathan Kozol. I strongly suggest you read it or some of his other books, and see if you still feel the same way about poverty.
In the neighborhood described in this book, everything is working against the people there. They get sick more often because of the pollution, especially since the city uses the area as a bit of a dumping ground for toxins, but the hospitals in the area are basically useless. There are huge waits and unsanitary conditions. Most of the people don't have health insurance so they generally can't go to the doctor anyway (this was written before Obamacare, so hopefully that is changing now). The area is extremely violent, so just going outside can be dangerous. There are no jobs to be had, so many turn to dealing drugs in order to get by. That increases the crime and makes it harder for kids to follow a healthy path towards highschool graduation, much less college. Again it's easy to call people stupid or whatever else for using drugs, but try to really put yourself there in their shoes. What would you do? How would you handle that reality? All the hard work in the world may never be enough for these people to get out of this neighborhood. Yes people can do it, and you hear stories of them on the news...but these stories are newsworthy for a reason! They're one in a million, and can't be expected to be the norm. And my question is, in what is supposedly the richest country in the world, why do we have neighborhoods that people need to "get out of" to have any hope at being successful? But that is also probably an issue for its own post.
I could go on, but hopefully you're getting the idea. The playing field is far from level. They say that social programs are meant to be temporary to help a person get back on his feet. I get that. But in cases like this I ask get back to what? Being born in to this type of world is a whole lot different than living in a safe, comfortable neighborhood surrounded by the support of others and falling on temporary hard times through job loss or something like that. Not to say that isn't also a struggle, but it's different! It's a different kind of need. The people in these poverty-filled, drug-ridden neighborhoods need more than just a temporary leg up. But it has nothing to do with being lazy, unwilling, or looking for a handout. NOTHING! Do you really think they would choose that kind of life if they could see a possibility of better? And on that note, if they really are just looking for a handout, I still don't believe that's the life they want. Can you imagine being so demoralized that all you see for the future for yourself is taking a government handout? I struggle to believe that's what anyone truly wants, deep down. I think they just struggle to believe that something better is possible, so they don't know how to strive for it or work for it. Being constantly shamed for needing help by being called lazy, by having their benefits reduced, etc. doesn't help.
I'll close with a bit about my personal experience. As you know if you've read my blog for any length of time, I grew up under extreme abuse. My parents were both drug addicts who sold me for drugs on multiple occasions. They had anger issues which I bore the brunt of. My dad and his friends seemed to have no conscience and used me for sex. We rarely had money (or, more likely, our money all went to drugs, but I can't be sure as I was young) and we went hungry often. I ran away at 14 because I couldn't take it anymore. Hence the homelessness. I entered foster care at 16, after living with random friends, people I thought were friends, and on the streets. I had an overall good experience in care. I lived in 3 different places but was not adopted. I was lucky that I liked academics, and my foster parents helped me get caught up, so I was able to get into college. They supported me in the transition as they could, but being a foster kid there was only so much they could offer. I was pretty much on my own to buy what I needed for my dorm room and such, though I was very fortunate to get a scholarship for tuition and money to help with books. I have PTSD and multiple other mental health issues, so studying was always a struggle for me. Many days were just about surviving...just getting through the day without total panic. It took me 5 years to finally graduate, and I only barely made it. I guess in that sense i'm a success story, but it was hard and continues to be. I've always had to look out for myself. I've had to find the balance between working enough to survive, while also taking care of my mental health issues so I don't go insane. (And I was hospitalized 3 years ago after nearly killing myself, so the "going insane" is very real). I've had a nearly impossible time paying for the healthcare that I need as an adult. Even when I had good insurance, it didn't cover my seeing a psychiatrist or a therapist without a HUGE deductible that I couldn't pay. The places that offered reduced price help wouldn't take me because I had insurance. I couldn't go off my insurance because I rely on a daily medication that costs hundreds of dollars a month. I was left trapped, and that's a big part of why I ended up hospitalized and nearly dead. I went on state funded assistance, and got what I needed but was also treated horribly. For the program I was on, I was limited to just a couple of places within my county. They were always over-crowded, dirty, and it felt like we were being herded around like cows. One doctor I saw, who was supposed to be helping me get my psych meds straightened out, did nothing but give me a drug test when I'd come in and then send me on my way. She'd never ask any questions or give me a chance to talk. No, she wasn't a psychiatrist. There were no psychiatrists that took the kind of assistance I had, except for one that I was able to see early on. The point is, all she cared about was if I was abusing my meds. I do have a history of addiction, but there's a lot more to me than that. It was amazing how quickly I became lumped in as a good for nothing drug addict because I couldn't get insurance that would cover what I needed. And yes I was looked down on and I heard some pretty ugly comments just for trying to get help. I have a friend, also an addict, who when she got in trouble with drugs her parents sent her to multiple fancy, expensive rehabs until she was able to "get it"....seeing many doctors, psychiatrists, etc. along the way. I'm not saying anything bad about my friend, or trying to do a "poor me" thing, I'm just saying it's different. Going to these horrible doctors, being yelled at at the pharmacy for being "too lazy to work" if someone saw my insurance (or lack thereof), etc. was my only choice at getting better. I didn't have parents or anyone else to turn to. Going back to the running the race example, during those dark times I wasn't just starting behind, I felt like I couldn't even find the course! And then I'd have to deal with being shamed due to 1.) being an addict, 2.) having mental health issues, 3.) being poor/on assistance. I've come a long way and I've had to fight for every inch. I'm proud of my accomplishments, but also well aware that many in the program I was in had it way worse than me. I had a car, some education, and a few close friends to fall back on (one of whom's couch I was living on at the time). Many came in off the streets and just couldn't keep up with all the program's requirements, but then they were blamed for it. They often ended up going back to using, and they are exactly the kind of people that get so much of the blame in the media and in politics for misusing welfare and other assistance. But I would like to see any one of those people that complain so much live one of their lives, even just for a day. I'd like to see them get a job and work for their money when they're living on the streets, barely have food to eat, can't get much needed medication and counseling, etc. etc. I'd like to see these "hard work" folks stay optimistic and keep working and doing the right thing under all that pressure. It's possible, absolutely...but I'm sick of hearing people who have no idea what it's like saying that their issues are their own fault! (Even if the original issues are the fault of their addiction...they didn't choose addiction even if they chose to use, and they definitely don't deserve a lifetime of suffering for a few bad decisions!).
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I should've known I couldn't take on this topic without big long tangents! lol I'm so grateful for all the support I have and the progress I've been able to make. I'm also grateful that I know what it's like to struggle so I can better look to people with compassion rather than blame.
Along with my gratitude, I have a favor to ask of anyone reading this. The next time you see someone that you want to start judging (don't worry, we all do it sometimes)....whether it's because they're using drugs, begging on the streets, seeming to misuse assistance, etc....say a prayer for them. Try to turn the angry, judging thoughts into a prayer for what they might need. Try to let yourself see the pain they might be in, and ask whatever god you pray to to help them find healing. Maybe, in time, we as a society can start seeing them as individual people with a history, a struggle, and a story to tell, not just some faceless "poor people" or "lazy people" or whatever else we tend to call them. The easiest way I've found to open your mind and heart to them is through a genuine prayer. Even if you're not the praying type, just sending good wishes to them can do the same. I just ask you to give it a try. We're all human. Aren't we all worthy of a prayer?
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