I really thought I'd be ok w/out meds. I knew it wouldn't be easy but I'm in such a much better place now than I've been in a long, long time. Turns out that's not enough. I'm losin it. I don't know where I've been for most of the day today. Apparently dissociating. Everything in my body hurts from the constant flashbacks. The pain makes me think of the memories of what caused it, which makes me focus on them which makes the pain worse. Bad bad cycle. I can't seem to fight it cus my brain won't stop running like crazy. I'm scared to call anyone, especially sponsor or anyone cus i can barely breathe and don't want to scare anyone away. Hate this so much and i'm so screwed. Unless I can convince someone to lie for me so I can get my insurance back, my other options appear to be to wait at least another month or pay close to $1000. I'm regressing so freaking fast. Starting to feel like I did before the hospital last year. Damn.
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I'm grateful that at least now I have an awareness that there is a good life out there so there's some hope rather than total hopelessness.
i'm grateful you have hope, too. hang in there hun, we will get this resolved one way or another soon. tgc of you.
ReplyDeleteSometimes life can be a wild and scary ride. Just hang on. Wild and scary rides don't last forever although each second can feel like a decade.
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