I'm sure there are a lot of great dads out there who take wonderful care of their kids and deserve a holiday and Hallmark cards to tell them so. But right now, if I hear one more commercial about, "tell your dad how great he is," or "doesn't your dad deserve the best?" I'm going to strangle someone!
I fucking hate father's day. Ads on tv, on the radio, displays at stores, etc. etc. all celebrating the man who not only hurt me but allowed many others to do the same. The man who chose his drug addiction over me. And the man who never seemed to give a shit about me for anything other then sex.
I realize the "holiday" (I hate all the bs hallmark made holidays anyway) wasn't created for dads like mine, but that doesn't stop what jumps in to my head every time I hear about it. Some of it is downright creepy when you read it from my perspective...like, "remember the special times you had with your dad," or "A daddy is a special part of a daughter's life." And then there's all the guilt trip shit going around on facebook about "share this if you love your dad and are so glad for his part in your life" and all sorts of crap like that. Sooooo....I get what the holiday is about, and I'm happy for those that enjoy it, but for now I just need to say....
STOP WITH THE HOLIDAY THAT CELEBRATES MY RAPIST!!!
DADDY/DAUGHTER TIME WAS NEVER A GOOD THING IN MY WORLD. ANYTHING THAT TALKS ABOUT A SPECIAL RELATIONSHIP WITH DADS AND DAUGHTERS WANTS TO MAKE ME VOMIT REPEATEDLY. AND THEN HURT PEOPLE.
MY "FATHER" DESTROYED MY INNOCENCE, MY CHILDHOOD, AND MY ABILITY TO TRUST ANYONE. I WILL NOT BE WISHING ANYONE A HAPPY FATHERS DAY.
JUST HEARING THE TERM FATHERS DAY MAKES ME WANT TO STAB SOMEONE.
FUCK YOU FATHERS DAY. FUCK THE WHOLE DAMN STUPID DAY AND ALL THE BULLSHIT LEADING UP TO IT. I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT IT AND EVERYTHING LEADING UP TO IT. I WANT TO ERASE IT AND NEVER HAVE TO HEAR ABOUT IT EVER AGAIN. FUCK YOU FATHER'S DAY. FUCK YOU HALLMARK. FUCK YOU STUPID FUCKING HOLIDAYS WITH NO REAL BASIS THAT RUB MY FUCKED UP PAST IN MY FACE. FUCK YOU DAD. YOU WILL NEVER AGAIN HAVE A PLACE IN MY HEART OR A PLACE OF WORTH IN MY LIFE. YOU ARE A WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT, I HATE YOU, AND YOU ARE DEAD TO ME!
OK I feel a little tiny bit better now. Is it June 18 yet?
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I'll still add a gratitude because it's still good to have one in the midst of a rant. Actually it might be more important in the midst of a rant. I'm grateful for my foster dad who allowed me to see what a dad's love is supposed to look like as he cared for all the little kids, but especially my baby sister. And I'm grateful for the fact that he understands that I can't handle father's day and doesn't get upset or offended when I refuse to acknowledge it for him or celebrate it with him.
Five more hours til this fucked up day is over. Sorry as hell that this day is so rough for you. I never had a dad, but it sounds like having one is not always a good thing at all. I'm very sorry for your pain. I'm depressed as hell today myself.
ReplyDeleteI hate this day too. The asshole man left my mother before I was born. Lived in the same city as us, never paid child support and refused to let me visit him even though I cried and cried to my mom to let me see him. He was LOADED with cash, but I never even got a birthday card one year.
These men are the utter shit. It's hard enough dealing with all the issues that come with abandonment most of the year, but then the retailers have to twist the knife even more with this fucking holiday.
Well, at least the day is over soon. Best to you.