I'm taking a psychology class this fall as an independent study. I'm pretty excited because it will be 100% self-paced. However I'm less excited now that I've received the syllabus for the class.
One of the main assignments is to construct a family "genogram." I'm supposed to interview various family members to learn about grandparents, parents, aunts and uncles, siblings, etc. For all these people I'm supposed to have age, place of birth, date of birth, date/age/cause of death if appropriate, medical illnesses, mental or emotional illnesses, eating disorders, chemical abuse/addictions, other addictions, marriage(s), divorce(s), children, abortions, affairs, separations, marital discord, strong bonds, careers, etc.
Ok first off I have no contact with any of my biological family and don't plan on it any time soon. (Ok I have very limited connection with a few select people but still). And second, holy fucking personal! Even I did have contact with all these people...a list of all the issues of everyone in my family?!
Then there's a list of questions to answer along with all of this (I'll throw in some short answers in bold just for fun):
1. What were the messages that you received from your parents as you grew up (verbal and nonverbal)? You're a piece of shit, we wish you didn't exist, you're only purpose is our sick pleasure. That was verbal and nonverbal.
2. Outside of your family, what other adults served as strong role models when you were a child? There were a few good teachers and such out there.
3. Discuss your family traditions, and the messages that you received from these traditions (holidays, special days, accomplishments, etc.). If my parents remembered to celebrate holidays very little good came from them. Generally holidays made them angry. I still despise holidays now and they really mess with my head.
4. Discuss some of the values that you hold today and the individuals you patterned these values after in your family. Thankfully I didn't take ANY of my family's values. Values I have have probably come from my foster family and friends.
5. Discuss family fears, loyalties, views on money and trust. Family fears...yeah...there could be a lot in there.
6. Summarize your genogram (patterns, discoveries, etc.). What did you learn? Surprises? Not much I can learn now about my family...not much I want to "discover."
The assignment description ends with, "Have fun with this assignment and I hope you learn a lot about your family."
This just pisses me off sooooooooo much. It's bad enough that there's these kinds of assignments in elementary school, but in college?! And what am I supposed to learn about psychology from this? Like I said even if I had family members to ask, what am I really going to learn from prodding into the personal business of others? That issues like substance abuse are genetic? Check. My parents are addicts. Their parents are addicts. Got it.
I figure I have a few options.
1. Do the assignment with what I know about my family, which is very little. It would have a lot of gaps in it. What I know is all pretty bad.
2. Write about my foster family. That might work but I can't answer questions about growing up with them, and it probably doesn't get the answers they're going for anyway.
3. Make shit up.
4. Talk to the course instructor and ask for ideas or a different assignment.
I'm open to other ideas too. Number 4 is probably what I should do. But I'm not excited to start out the class by having to talk about how fucked up my family is, so I'd rather go with 3. The thing that gets to me is that I feel like psychology is one of those fields that people like me with screwed up lives are drawn to. I'm sure I'm not the only one out there who has a family history they'd prefer not to talk about. Plus back to what I said before, I don't think anyone should be asked for a laundry list of their family's issues as a school assignment. Oh and this is an introductory class. This isn't some high level class in genetics where it might really be meaningful to study this stuff. It's just a stupid pre-requisite.
I was getting excited to be starting school again since I'm feeling so much better than last fall, but now I'm back to stressed about it. I know things will work out somehow, but it's really stressing me out and pissing me off right now. The good news is that this is all online so I don't have to talk about any of this stuff face to face, regardless of what I decide.
Anyway...I'm still grateful to be starting back to school. No matter how frustrated I am right now, I'm excited to be making more progress towards a degree.
Friday, August 10, 2012
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Olympic announcers are stupid
Figured I could use some humor, so don't go taking offense if your uncle's friend's cousin's neighbor's former roommate is an olympic announcer. Actually, that'd be pretty badass if said relative/friend-like person is an olympic announcer.
Anyway, I've been watching the olympics a lot lately. I've discovered that Olympic announcers are stupid. It's not their fault. They have to talk throughout entire events. If you asked me to talk non-stop for an hour or more, I wouldn't come across as especially bright either. I've been keeping a collection of especially fun lines I've heard while watching.
"She's really getting a workout today!" As opposed to those sports that are easy and require no physical effort?
"That was a race from start to finish!" Going the other way would be awfully confusing.
"This really is a must-win match!" Said before almost every match of a single-elimination tournament. Ya think?
"She tired, but she still had the energy to jump 3 times after winning." Ummmm descriptive?
"He's really trained hard for this." Unlike most olympians who just sailed right in with no effort...maybe just from eating Subway a lot...
"4th place is the worst place to finish at the olympics!" Ok I get their point here, but I'd choose 4th over last. Or even over 5th.
"They're not messing around tonight!" Nice of them to finally take this whole international competition thing seriously...
"That was a nice hug. A good, quality, meaningful hug." You know you're really short on things to talk about when you start critiquing hugs between teammates!
"She's making sure to take care of her tootsies tonight." (In beach volleyball, after one player got cold, numb feet in a previous game). Tootsies?? Really??
I'm sure there's more but that's all I can think of for the moment. I'll throw in one more bit of comedy that shows that just how easily entertained I am. I'm watching women's beach volleyball. The top part of the uniform for beach volleyball pairs essentially looks like a sports bra with 3 letters of the country written on it. I'm currently watching Brazil play, so they are wearing bright yellow bras that say BRA on them in large capital letters, both front and back. And it's cracking me up. I appreciate them being labeled in case I get confused: http://www.fivbheroes.com/2012/08/olympic-fivb-heroines-in-last-16-in-beach-volleyball/
Oh, and none of these holds a candle to a couple of olympics ago when the catch phrase for the diving announcers on a good dive was that the diver "really put it in the water!" I would really hate to see them put it anywhere else! Apparently I wasn't the only one because I haven't heard that said yet this year.
Anyway, I've been watching the olympics a lot lately. I've discovered that Olympic announcers are stupid. It's not their fault. They have to talk throughout entire events. If you asked me to talk non-stop for an hour or more, I wouldn't come across as especially bright either. I've been keeping a collection of especially fun lines I've heard while watching.
"She's really getting a workout today!" As opposed to those sports that are easy and require no physical effort?
"That was a race from start to finish!" Going the other way would be awfully confusing.
"This really is a must-win match!" Said before almost every match of a single-elimination tournament. Ya think?
"She tired, but she still had the energy to jump 3 times after winning." Ummmm descriptive?
"He's really trained hard for this." Unlike most olympians who just sailed right in with no effort...maybe just from eating Subway a lot...
"4th place is the worst place to finish at the olympics!" Ok I get their point here, but I'd choose 4th over last. Or even over 5th.
"They're not messing around tonight!" Nice of them to finally take this whole international competition thing seriously...
"That was a nice hug. A good, quality, meaningful hug." You know you're really short on things to talk about when you start critiquing hugs between teammates!
"She's making sure to take care of her tootsies tonight." (In beach volleyball, after one player got cold, numb feet in a previous game). Tootsies?? Really??
I'm sure there's more but that's all I can think of for the moment. I'll throw in one more bit of comedy that shows that just how easily entertained I am. I'm watching women's beach volleyball. The top part of the uniform for beach volleyball pairs essentially looks like a sports bra with 3 letters of the country written on it. I'm currently watching Brazil play, so they are wearing bright yellow bras that say BRA on them in large capital letters, both front and back. And it's cracking me up. I appreciate them being labeled in case I get confused: http://www.fivbheroes.com/2012/08/olympic-fivb-heroines-in-last-16-in-beach-volleyball/
Oh, and none of these holds a candle to a couple of olympics ago when the catch phrase for the diving announcers on a good dive was that the diver "really put it in the water!" I would really hate to see them put it anywhere else! Apparently I wasn't the only one because I haven't heard that said yet this year.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Birds
I've had people ask me how I came up with the name Riverbird. It's a bit of a story that I don't want to go in to right now, but part of it is that I love birds.
I love watching birds soaring high up in the sky. Ever since I was a kid, when things have been bad I've imagined my soul/spirit flying away on the wings of an eagle. I've imagined amazing flights, over mountains, rivers, waterfalls, etc. It's always a peaceful experience for me, and a good way to escape when there's a lot of pain.
I also love birds for the symbolism I see in them. Have you ever watched a bird walk? They are unbelievably awkward! I mean look at this thing: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mLV-O2Rtcyk They look totally off balance, their bodies look super awkward, their legs are just odd, etc. etc. If birds only walked we'd consider them very strange animals. But then a bird stretches it's wings out and takes flight. Suddenly the awkward little critter is this amazing, majestic, soaring thing of beauty.
To me that defines life. Some of you that know me from a certain message board know that my favorite quote is, "We all have wings, some of us just don't know how to fly." Apparently I invented it. I thought it was a song lyric but it's not actually in the song I thought it was. Anyway, we're all funky little birds walking around looking and feeling off balance, not feeling like we fit in or we're in the right spot/doing the right thing. But eventually we find our wings and we learn to fly. Shaky at first but eventually, with lots of work, we can find ourselves soaring over the mountain tops...living a happy, healthy life, finding what we were meant to do, and having it feel right and beautiful.
I really needed all of this today as the flashbacks suddenly came back with a vengeance today. It was like one second I was fine, the next I was fully in the moment. I was fully back in the past in the midst of the horrors. I could see it, hear it, and feel it, and my body hurt from it. I really, really thought I was past flashbacks like that, but apparently not. Most of the flashbacks i've had lately have just been moderate little intrusions that I can think my way through and shift my focus. Apparently I needed the lesson that healing never stops, and there's always work to be done. I'm also learning that even when things are good, i can still slip back into that old mode. I have to admit it scared me. I really didn't expect to go there...and it felt like there were no warning signs or anything it just happened.
The good news is, I'm ok. I'm calm and collected. It was awful, yes. I've cried many tears over it. But I'm not freaking out. I'm not running out to get a drink. I'm not overwhelmed and feeling like the world is going to end. Mostly I'm pissed off that i'm having to deal with this, plus a little bit scared and a little bit sad. But I'm calm too. I know it will get better so I'm not afraid of it. I'm just trying my best to be patient. That's my gratitude for tonight. I'm grateful for my coping skills that help me get through this, and i'm grateful for the ppl at the meeting i went to last night. I hadn't planned on it but it's my tuesday group that i love and I decided I want to be around people who can relate at least somewhat and care about me. I told ppl I was struggling and saying out loud in the meeting that they care about me was weird. I'm starting to believe they really do but that's something I always struggle with believing.
Anyway that's all for now. I've fallen asleep at least a few times while writing this, so sorry if it doesn't make sense. Last time I wrote when I was this tired I ended up writing about how I was visting the Eiffel Tower, even though that definitely wasn't happening! lol At least it looks like maybe I'll get some real sleep tonight. Yay! Off to bed. Wish me luck!
I love watching birds soaring high up in the sky. Ever since I was a kid, when things have been bad I've imagined my soul/spirit flying away on the wings of an eagle. I've imagined amazing flights, over mountains, rivers, waterfalls, etc. It's always a peaceful experience for me, and a good way to escape when there's a lot of pain.
I also love birds for the symbolism I see in them. Have you ever watched a bird walk? They are unbelievably awkward! I mean look at this thing: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mLV-O2Rtcyk They look totally off balance, their bodies look super awkward, their legs are just odd, etc. etc. If birds only walked we'd consider them very strange animals. But then a bird stretches it's wings out and takes flight. Suddenly the awkward little critter is this amazing, majestic, soaring thing of beauty.
To me that defines life. Some of you that know me from a certain message board know that my favorite quote is, "We all have wings, some of us just don't know how to fly." Apparently I invented it. I thought it was a song lyric but it's not actually in the song I thought it was. Anyway, we're all funky little birds walking around looking and feeling off balance, not feeling like we fit in or we're in the right spot/doing the right thing. But eventually we find our wings and we learn to fly. Shaky at first but eventually, with lots of work, we can find ourselves soaring over the mountain tops...living a happy, healthy life, finding what we were meant to do, and having it feel right and beautiful.
I really needed all of this today as the flashbacks suddenly came back with a vengeance today. It was like one second I was fine, the next I was fully in the moment. I was fully back in the past in the midst of the horrors. I could see it, hear it, and feel it, and my body hurt from it. I really, really thought I was past flashbacks like that, but apparently not. Most of the flashbacks i've had lately have just been moderate little intrusions that I can think my way through and shift my focus. Apparently I needed the lesson that healing never stops, and there's always work to be done. I'm also learning that even when things are good, i can still slip back into that old mode. I have to admit it scared me. I really didn't expect to go there...and it felt like there were no warning signs or anything it just happened.
The good news is, I'm ok. I'm calm and collected. It was awful, yes. I've cried many tears over it. But I'm not freaking out. I'm not running out to get a drink. I'm not overwhelmed and feeling like the world is going to end. Mostly I'm pissed off that i'm having to deal with this, plus a little bit scared and a little bit sad. But I'm calm too. I know it will get better so I'm not afraid of it. I'm just trying my best to be patient. That's my gratitude for tonight. I'm grateful for my coping skills that help me get through this, and i'm grateful for the ppl at the meeting i went to last night. I hadn't planned on it but it's my tuesday group that i love and I decided I want to be around people who can relate at least somewhat and care about me. I told ppl I was struggling and saying out loud in the meeting that they care about me was weird. I'm starting to believe they really do but that's something I always struggle with believing.
Anyway that's all for now. I've fallen asleep at least a few times while writing this, so sorry if it doesn't make sense. Last time I wrote when I was this tired I ended up writing about how I was visting the Eiffel Tower, even though that definitely wasn't happening! lol At least it looks like maybe I'll get some real sleep tonight. Yay! Off to bed. Wish me luck!
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Just living
I had planned to write a longer post tonight but somehow it's already way past my bedtime. There just doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day right now! So instead I just want to share a quick story from tonight. Today marks 7 months sober for me. I love that it fell on Tuesday because my tuesday meeting is my very favorite and a lot of my favorite ppl are there. I got lots of really great cheers when I announced it and hugs afterwards. Felt pretty awesome.
I was talking to a friend afterwards and saying how it seems like I just hit 6 months, which is true. This last month just flew by! Another friend there who has almost reached her first 60 days was listening, and she looked at me like I had 2 heads. I thought back to when I was in early sobriety. Back then, the days seemed to drag by and add up sooooo slowly. But tonight I found myself telling this friend how I'm "just living" and the days "just happen." And it's so true. It's not an overwhelming obstacle to get through a day without drinking. It's just a day of living. That's pretty damn cool. :)
I was talking to a friend afterwards and saying how it seems like I just hit 6 months, which is true. This last month just flew by! Another friend there who has almost reached her first 60 days was listening, and she looked at me like I had 2 heads. I thought back to when I was in early sobriety. Back then, the days seemed to drag by and add up sooooo slowly. But tonight I found myself telling this friend how I'm "just living" and the days "just happen." And it's so true. It's not an overwhelming obstacle to get through a day without drinking. It's just a day of living. That's pretty damn cool. :)
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Death
So I'm sure everyone has heard about the shooting at the movie theater. That's put a lot of stuff on my mind lately.
Up until fairly recently, the only thinking I did about death was about how much I wanted to die. I remember first wanting to die when I was about 9, so it's been a lot of years of that kind of thinking (though I wasn't suicidal for all of that...there is a difference). Anyway, I didn't get sad when people died. I met death with 2 emotions: jealousy and anger. The jealousy is fairly obvious...I wanted to be the one getting to die. Most of the time I didn't want to kill myself but I begged for some kind of natural causes to take me away. Which brings us to the anger part. I hated that good people who want to live are dying all the time, when my useless self was begging for death and couldn't have it. During one of my very worst times, a friend of mine's 6 year old daughter was dying of cancer. I felt like such a horrible person for nearly killing myself just a few weeks before she died. Why couldn't god have given me her cancer and let her live her happy life with her family that loves her? That is still something I struggle with...I wonder how my life was saved so many times. Even when I wanted to die and tried to die my life was continually saved. But that's a topic for another post I guess.
My life has changed in this last year. Especially in the last 7 months or so. Now I actually want to live, and I have different feelings about death. The theater where the shooting took place, and the guy's apartment, were within a 4 mile radius of where I used to live a while back. Thankfully I don't live there now, but I've talked to friends who know ppl directly involved. As far as I know I don't know anyone that was hurt or killed. The closest I know of is a friend's friend's coworker's daughter was shot and at this point may or may not make it. Another friend was working the late shift at a restaurant just a few blocks away, so she saw and heard a lot of the chaos. And frankly this stuff is all scaring the shit outta me. Now that I want to live, the thought that I could be heading out to a movie some night and not make it home is terrifying. I figured I was living a pretty safe life these days...not drinking, not doing anything crazy, being an overly safe driver, etc. etc. But going to a movie should fall under safe things to do, but yeah. This is the first time a shooting or anything like this has really bothered me to be honest.
When Columbine happened I saw the shooters as somewhat heroic. Not that I would ever do that, but I loved the idea of getting back at the people who hurt me with that sort of magnitude (I was bullied and always an outcast at school). When September 11th happened, a friend and I danced around laughing and singing "It's the end of the world as we know it." We at least on some level thought it was the end of the world and found that rather hilarious. (Kind of horrible to think about now). Those are just a couple of examples but you get the idea. Now I have to say I'm feeling kinda scared. I never understood before why ppl got scared of things after a shooting or terrorist attack or whatever else. But now that I value my life so much more I'm a little scared of things like this happening. Ok more than a little I think. Tonight as I was driving home I saw 4 cop cars gathered in one area with flashing lights on and I got scared. It's probably nothing big but I was surprised at how nervous it made me. It doesn't help that I've always felt like karma is going to come back to bite me and as soon as I start to value my life then all those prayers for cancer or some other way to die will finally get granted. I'm sure that's a very self-centered thought, but it's there.
I thought I had more to say about all this but I guess that's all. I'm just really overwhelmed right now thinking about death and all the dangers out there. Now that I've started to value my life I'm realizing how fragile it is and I want to protect it. I'm afraid of losing it and I'm going to have to process this in a way that I haven't before with other such events. (Speaking of which, how horrific it is that these days we have multiple shootings and mass death type events to compare this stuff to in our supposedly peaceful country). This one just hit a little too close to home, even if it was a former home. I don't want to let fears about it get the best of me.
---------------------
All that said...gratitude...I'm grateful that I survived this last week w/out a drink. It was a great week. I got to go out of town for a friend's wedding, see lots of great people, etc. etc. It was also unbelievably intense. There were a lot of ppl I used to drink with there, lots of pressure, and lots of temptation. But even with all of that resisting the drink wasn't a big deal. It was hard, frustrating, and quite the struggle, but I knew I wasn't going to drink. I just knew, and for that I'm grateful.
Up until fairly recently, the only thinking I did about death was about how much I wanted to die. I remember first wanting to die when I was about 9, so it's been a lot of years of that kind of thinking (though I wasn't suicidal for all of that...there is a difference). Anyway, I didn't get sad when people died. I met death with 2 emotions: jealousy and anger. The jealousy is fairly obvious...I wanted to be the one getting to die. Most of the time I didn't want to kill myself but I begged for some kind of natural causes to take me away. Which brings us to the anger part. I hated that good people who want to live are dying all the time, when my useless self was begging for death and couldn't have it. During one of my very worst times, a friend of mine's 6 year old daughter was dying of cancer. I felt like such a horrible person for nearly killing myself just a few weeks before she died. Why couldn't god have given me her cancer and let her live her happy life with her family that loves her? That is still something I struggle with...I wonder how my life was saved so many times. Even when I wanted to die and tried to die my life was continually saved. But that's a topic for another post I guess.
My life has changed in this last year. Especially in the last 7 months or so. Now I actually want to live, and I have different feelings about death. The theater where the shooting took place, and the guy's apartment, were within a 4 mile radius of where I used to live a while back. Thankfully I don't live there now, but I've talked to friends who know ppl directly involved. As far as I know I don't know anyone that was hurt or killed. The closest I know of is a friend's friend's coworker's daughter was shot and at this point may or may not make it. Another friend was working the late shift at a restaurant just a few blocks away, so she saw and heard a lot of the chaos. And frankly this stuff is all scaring the shit outta me. Now that I want to live, the thought that I could be heading out to a movie some night and not make it home is terrifying. I figured I was living a pretty safe life these days...not drinking, not doing anything crazy, being an overly safe driver, etc. etc. But going to a movie should fall under safe things to do, but yeah. This is the first time a shooting or anything like this has really bothered me to be honest.
When Columbine happened I saw the shooters as somewhat heroic. Not that I would ever do that, but I loved the idea of getting back at the people who hurt me with that sort of magnitude (I was bullied and always an outcast at school). When September 11th happened, a friend and I danced around laughing and singing "It's the end of the world as we know it." We at least on some level thought it was the end of the world and found that rather hilarious. (Kind of horrible to think about now). Those are just a couple of examples but you get the idea. Now I have to say I'm feeling kinda scared. I never understood before why ppl got scared of things after a shooting or terrorist attack or whatever else. But now that I value my life so much more I'm a little scared of things like this happening. Ok more than a little I think. Tonight as I was driving home I saw 4 cop cars gathered in one area with flashing lights on and I got scared. It's probably nothing big but I was surprised at how nervous it made me. It doesn't help that I've always felt like karma is going to come back to bite me and as soon as I start to value my life then all those prayers for cancer or some other way to die will finally get granted. I'm sure that's a very self-centered thought, but it's there.
I thought I had more to say about all this but I guess that's all. I'm just really overwhelmed right now thinking about death and all the dangers out there. Now that I've started to value my life I'm realizing how fragile it is and I want to protect it. I'm afraid of losing it and I'm going to have to process this in a way that I haven't before with other such events. (Speaking of which, how horrific it is that these days we have multiple shootings and mass death type events to compare this stuff to in our supposedly peaceful country). This one just hit a little too close to home, even if it was a former home. I don't want to let fears about it get the best of me.
---------------------
All that said...gratitude...I'm grateful that I survived this last week w/out a drink. It was a great week. I got to go out of town for a friend's wedding, see lots of great people, etc. etc. It was also unbelievably intense. There were a lot of ppl I used to drink with there, lots of pressure, and lots of temptation. But even with all of that resisting the drink wasn't a big deal. It was hard, frustrating, and quite the struggle, but I knew I wasn't going to drink. I just knew, and for that I'm grateful.
Monday, July 16, 2012
Gratitude
Wow. Apparently god had a message for me today. I ended up watching Dr. Phil this afternoon. I shouldn't have been...I should've been out doing laundry, but it's been a while since I've had tv and it's hot outside so I got lazy. Anyway, the story was about a girl who had been kept locked in a closet for about 6 years until someone found her. They would take her out long enough to abuse her and put her back in. A lot of the abuse she went through was scarily similar to mine. But she was so starved that at 8 years old when she was found she was the size of a 3 year old.
So here I've been, thinking about how invisible I was as a child...and how tough it was for me to have to go to school every day and pretend things were ok. But here is this girl so much more invisible than I was. No one even knew she was alive. Truly, no one knew she existed. She didn't have the chance to go to school. She developed her vocabulary from a country radio station that was played to muffle any sounds she might make. I loved to bury myself in books to escape the pain of my daily life. I would hide under my bed and read and hope those around me would forget about me. I can't imagine not having that escape. I remember being devastated when my parents would leave the house and leave me locked in my room. But constantly locked in a tiny closet? Wow.
I was so blessed to go to school and learn to read. With school lunch I was guaranteed at least one quality meal per day. These things allowed me to be the functional human that I am today. The pain of my invisibility is so huge, but this girl is showing me how much I had. And here she is at 18 telling her story on national tv, and talking about wanting to help other kids. Wow. I'm in awe. I'm grateful for her courage both to survive and to tell her story, and show me how much I have to be grateful for. She really is incredible.
So here I've been, thinking about how invisible I was as a child...and how tough it was for me to have to go to school every day and pretend things were ok. But here is this girl so much more invisible than I was. No one even knew she was alive. Truly, no one knew she existed. She didn't have the chance to go to school. She developed her vocabulary from a country radio station that was played to muffle any sounds she might make. I loved to bury myself in books to escape the pain of my daily life. I would hide under my bed and read and hope those around me would forget about me. I can't imagine not having that escape. I remember being devastated when my parents would leave the house and leave me locked in my room. But constantly locked in a tiny closet? Wow.
I was so blessed to go to school and learn to read. With school lunch I was guaranteed at least one quality meal per day. These things allowed me to be the functional human that I am today. The pain of my invisibility is so huge, but this girl is showing me how much I had. And here she is at 18 telling her story on national tv, and talking about wanting to help other kids. Wow. I'm in awe. I'm grateful for her courage both to survive and to tell her story, and show me how much I have to be grateful for. She really is incredible.
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Invisible
Invisible child.
She mattered to no one.
Silent cries
Alone in the darkness
Hiding; in plain sight.
Did they even know her name?
Her life a secret
Her existence unknown.
Slowly she fades,
Fades away into nothing.
Will anyone notice?
Will the world be changed?
Invisible child,
No one there to hear her cries.
------------------------------------
(Clearly I'm processing a lot of stuff right now. It's been a bit rough. I'll try to write more about it later. On the gratitude side of things...I have internet! Yay! I also got my furniture delivered so I have a real bed now and a couch. I'm really excited about both but especially the couch because I've never bought a couch before so it was kind of a big deal for me to pick it out and get it delivered. :)
She mattered to no one.
Silent cries
Alone in the darkness
Hiding; in plain sight.
Did they even know her name?
Her life a secret
Her existence unknown.
Slowly she fades,
Fades away into nothing.
Will anyone notice?
Will the world be changed?
Invisible child,
No one there to hear her cries.
------------------------------------
(Clearly I'm processing a lot of stuff right now. It's been a bit rough. I'll try to write more about it later. On the gratitude side of things...I have internet! Yay! I also got my furniture delivered so I have a real bed now and a couch. I'm really excited about both but especially the couch because I've never bought a couch before so it was kind of a big deal for me to pick it out and get it delivered. :)
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